oh hello

hello, my little slice of the internet. it has been so long. i am doing so well.

what to say when you haven't said anything for months? it would be difficult to explain so much, so instead i will explain nothing at all. hello hello :)

i absolutely love sundays. i feel all prepped and primed for the week ahead. mondays are always my most productive, because i'm determined to start a new week off with a bang! unfortunately with this newish job i experience little jabs of anxiety at random moments...but that's slowly going away.

hello!

january 2014 reflections

for the past few years, at the end of every year, i've done a massive roundup and reflection in my journal of the previous twelve months. i always find this enjoyable and even somewhat therapeutic, and in 2014 i've decided to make it a monthly ritual. i'm hoping this will help keep me better focused on some goals i've set for myself, while also reminding me of the smaller, often forgotten blessings i've experienced- as well as the not-so-great moments.

i rambled on for quite a bit about all this in my journal yesterday, but thought i'd condense some of it into list form here.

in january of 2014:

• i went on my first job interview in two years and was offered a fantastic position. i'm no fool, i accepted straightaway, and am excited to start soon. more on this later.
• i visited my family in maryland for the first time in nine months. it was a lazy week of lolling around the house and spending a lot of time with my parents while wandering into the kitchen every couple of hours to stuff my face.
• i worked only 11 days- and it was a 3 paycheck month! SCORE!
• the weather in #chiberia was frigid and snowy- 33.5 inches of snow total, with wind chill temperatures reaching approx -40 degrees! my office closed for four days.
• i was sick for about two weeks; absolutely miserable for one, and sick but recovering for the one to follow. F was so sympathetic and took the best care of me. it made me realize how nice it can be to have someone around to coddle you when you're not feeling well.
• F rcvd a free overnight stay at an amazing hotel and we enjoyed the most luxurious night! i looove staying in nice hotels, it is one of my FAVORITE treat yo-selfs. he also stayed at my place for a week as he was trying to figure out if his allergies and sinus problems were due to his apartment. i was surprised to find how much i looked forward to coming home to him every night, even though i had to learn to be more flexible about other things (like not having my space be as neat as i like). 
• i opened up a lot to F and we had a conversation that i've really been wanting to have with him about faith and us. if i'm honest with myself, i had been really scared to have this talk with him. it's hard for me to be that vulnerable, even with those closest to my heart. it was definitely a good thing both for myself and for us.
• my small group thru church started again after a month's break. i love these people! i was more engaged one-on-one with my church family this month, particularly some people from small group and my women's huddle. growing in this church has been by far one of the biggest blessings i've experienced.
• a good friend of mine moved to chicago from dc, i am so excited to have him here! (hi manu!)
• i reconnected my internet after not having it at home for 1.5 months. in the beginning i thought i would never survive, but as the weeks went on i realized i didn't really mind being offline at home. alas, it took me just a few days to become re-addicted to youtube.

that's a fairly good run through, methinks. overall january was a really good start to the year. i maintained a balance of time spent with myself, with F, and with friends, which was one of my goals for 2014. there was a good mix of lazy days, especially with the weather, and active ones. i did a little bit of traveling and spent a lot of quality time engaging people i care a lot about.

february has been off to a crazy start, but in the best way. i am already exhausted and can't wait for a break, but there are also a lot of good things coming up. full steam ahead!

apartment tour

as someone who has bounced thru multiple homes since i left my parents' [home] in 2005, i am proud to have renewed a lease for the first time ever in 2013. staying in one place for more than 6mo/1yr has provided a certain sense of ownership and stability that i value. i currently live in a teeny tiny, just under 300 sq ft studio apartment in edgewater, a neighborhood on chicago's northside. luckily i am not claustrophobic, and have always loved cozy spaces. i thought i'd finally share some photos of my home, mostly to benefit the curiosity of faraway friends :)

 

this is the first non-student housing apartment i have lived in without a roommate. i was willing to sacrifice sq ft in order to live on my own within a reasonable budget- i started out paying just $645 in rent (water/gas incl). there are challenges, of course:

- minimal storage: i have just one medium size closet...ONE. in my whole apartment.
- hosting guests and visitors: uncomfortable because you are constantly in each other's space.
- keeping everything clean: having one thing out of place can make the whole apartment look a wreck!

but it has been so worth it. i love coming home to my home, each and every day.

the highlight of my evening

recently i've been super bugged out by little fruit flies/gnats zooming around my apartment. and into my face. i luckily did not have too many, but still they're tricky to catch and gross me out. i finally decided that it was time to take action, so last night i set up a nifty little trap per google's instructions:

1. fill a cup or bowl with about 1.5 cups of apple cider vinegar

2. add a couple drops of dish soap (i found it works best if you can get it sudsy and have a layer of bubbles on top)

and voila! 

i may have been a bit too excited- i peeked at my bowl a couple times and scared away a few fruit flies that were warily resting on its edge. when i checked this morning there were about 10 of the little buggers floating on the surface. i'm not sure why it gave me such pleasure to see them like that...but it did. oh, it did. i was also slightly horrified because this whole time i thought it had been the same 2 or 3 flies stalking me but that didn't turn out to be the case.

i'm going to set the trap out again tonight and have myself a rockin' new year's eve.

smiling to myself

pinterest source

today is friday !

the weather is wonderful, a sunny 30 degrees- without the cutting chicago wind, it feels absolutely balmy. i smiled as soon as i stepped outside and the rays hit my face, my boots crunching down on the last remnants of snow in the alley.

i snagged a prime window seat on a practically empty train into work. i love staring out into the world as we weave in and out and around.

and, a starbucks giftcard allowed a rare morning indulgence, a venti (that's right!) iced chai latte, gone in an hour. mm. 

tonight will be full of snuggles and comfort food w/ him.

tomorrow, an overdue catch up with one of my dearest friends.

sunday, a date day with myself. i will be racing home as soon as church is over and whiling the day away in the pleasure of my own company. i hauled a ton of goodies from lush's boxing day sale, and i can't wait to take a looong bath, try a new face mask, and do my nails. i also plan on scrubbing down my apartment from top to bottom; scribbling away furiously in my journal to fill its last pages before 2014; and advancing to the next level of sonic on my DS. please do not disturb.

enjoy a beautiful weekend. i hope you relish small and big moments of peace, joy, and contentment all around.

tips for flying spirit airlines

in my previous entry i provided a few tips for traveling in costa rica based on a trip i took in late august 2013. on that trip i flew with spirit airlines for the very first time, from chicago to ft. lauderdale to san jose, then back- a total of four legs. before (and after) i booked my tickets i was pretty anxious, as there are some truly awful stories and reviews all over the internet about this airline!

i am happy to report that my friend and i had an overall very positive experience with spirit. i am going to outline a few tips on how to avoid the many, many fees associated with this airline. i found that maybe 75% of the complaints i read were from people who had been unaware of these fees, and i honestly think those complaints are quite misdirected. as a traveler it is your responsibility to research whatever you plan on booking ahead of time so that you are not caught unaware. if you add up the fees and think the savings aren't worth it, book something else!

a few savings tips
- do not choose a seat ahead of time. instead, try to get there early and make a request at the counter. my friend and i were accommodated with an aisle seat each and every time we asked.
spirit fee: $12-200. that's right, one of those "big comfy seats" at the front can cost you $200. yeesh!

- bring your own empty water bottle and fill it up once you go thru security, and bring your own snacks as well. i always prefer to do this anyway no matter what i fly. i was actually pretty surprised by just how upset people got over not receiving a free mini bag of pretzels and a cup of water. how hard is it to bring your own or go without for a few hours? if you end up having to buy water, i don't think their price of $3 is too ridiculous, considering how much you probably saved with your discount ticket.
spirit fee: $3 on bottled water, up to $10 on snacks

- print your own boarding pass. if you don't have a printer at home or work, it's something like 10 cents/page to print at office depot.
spirit fee: $10 to print at the airport kiosk

- if you are checking a bag, do so while you are booking your flight. your first bag will be $30, which is actually cheaper than taking a carry on- $35. you can take one personal item for free, and they seemed pretty flexible about dimensions- as long as you can squish it under the seat in front of you, it's usually a go. check out this youtube video about one man's method for avoiding baggage fees all together; it might work for you!
spirit fee: $5 extra during online check in, $15 extra at the airport kiosk, $100 at the gate!

another general tip is to try to schedule longer layovers than usual if you have a connecting flight to anticipate delays. also, often discount airlines such as spirit have gates/boarding areas in older terminals that do not have many options for food or entertainment. for example, our connection in ft. lauderdale had just one "restaurant" (with burgers, fries, etc.) and a dunkin donuts kiosk. that was it- no fast food, no coffee options, nothing. you had to actually leave the terminal to find other food options, and go thru security again to get back to the gate. super inconvenient, and another reason to stock up on your own snacks and food.

i would also like to note that all the spirit employees i encountered, including at the ticket counter, boarding gate, and on my flight, were extremely friendly, professional, and accommodating. and although we did experience delays on 3/4 flights, they were only for about 15-20min each, which i did not think was much to complain about.

remember that spirit is a budget airline and markets itself as such, so you have to expect the extra fees. i saved nearly $150 by flying spirit, so it was definitely worth it for me. do your own math and see where you end up!

travel tips for costa rica

view of arenal volcano in la fortuna from our resort

a few months ago i enjoyed a week of relaxation and adventure with one of my closest girlfriends in la fortuna and san jose, costa rica. it was my first big trip outside of asia, and i had the BEST TIME! costa rica is an absolutely beautiful country, with lush, green natural beauty; warm, welcoming people; vibrant culture; comforting food; and so many options for fun and relaxation. the tourism industry is well-established and competitive, and you can therefore plan a very budget-friendly trip.

my trip expenses included:
-roundtrip airfare thru spirit airlines
-roundtrip shuttle service from san jose to la fortuna (~3-4 hours each way) thru the costa rica shuttle bus
-5 nights at a resort, the volcano lodge & springs
-1 night at in&basic hostel lounge
-several adventure tours: ziplining, horseback riding, white water rafting, arenal volcano hike, nature safari boat tour, and hot springs with desafio and wave expeditions
-taxis, meals, tips, souvenirs
-items bought specifically for my trip (which included insect repellant, sunscreen, chaco sports sandals, poncho, snacks, etc.)

...all for just under $1,500 USD. pretty awesome if you ask me!

i thought i would share some random tips about traveling in costa rica that i found to be particularly helpful. this is by no means a guide to trip planning, as there are already so many informative websites just a google search away. please also keep in mind the specifics of my trip, which might make some of my suggestions inapplicable to you:

-6 nights/7 days during the last week of august
-rainy season
-travel limited to la fortuna and san jose

gallo pinto, a typical tico plate

lush green on our resort

spotting wildlife on our nature safari boat tour

tips and tricks
- as a general rule of thumb, if you're in a store and notice that prices are shown only in dollars (without a colones equivalent) or not marked at all, be wary. these places are usually targeting tourists and therefore overpriced, or the employee will make a price up on the spot.

- if you are looking to stock up on coffee and chocolate as gifts, check out supermarkets or convenience stores. i found the prices there to be cheaper than purchasing at gift/souvenir shops, and the brands/packaging were almost always the same.

- there is a $29 exit tax that must be paid if you depart costa rica via airport. i would suggest paying by cash, as if you pay by credit card it is often charged as a cash advance, which can result in a fee of around $10. plan ahead by bringing and setting aside $29 worth of clean, unmarked bills to use at the end of your trip.

- in addition to the often-used discount travel websites, check groupon getaways and livingsocial escapes for deals on places to stay and tours. that is how my friend and i found our resort, which was really nice- and we saved 59%! make sure to read the fine print as well as the cancellation policy.

- exchange a minimal amount of dollars into colones. i exchanged about $30 for a 6 night, 7 day trip and was scrambling to spend it all by the end, especially because you will almost always receive change back in colones, even when you purchase with dollars. i was able to use dollars to pay for everything, including taxis, food at sodas, tip, souvenirs, EVERYTHING- in both la fortuna and san jose.

- cargo pants are great for adventure tours. they are lightweight, dry quickly, have zippered pockets to store small items (camera, room keys, cash) plus drawstrings at the ankles (helpful in preventing easy access for mosquitoes). you should look for a few pairs that tick off all these boxes. i found them to be a much better alternative to jeans, which are basically the opposite- heavy, hot, impossible to get completely air dry in the damp costa rican weather, and no zippers.

a big bag of rambutan bought for $1-2 at a roadside
fruitstand. they never taste this sweet in chicago!

- eat fruit! the year-round tropical climate results in a nutrient-rich soil that grows juicy, deliciously sweet fruit, including pineapple, guava, watermelon, papaya, mango and more!

- helpful odds and ends to pack: wristwatch with alarm, small umbrella, waterproof camera case, plastic grocery bags, ziploc bags, extra sheets and camp towel if you plan on staying at a hostel.

- tipping is up to you. it is not part of tico culture to tip, but most individuals employed by the tourism industry are familiar with tipping and of course appreciate it.

•  you generally do not have to tip for taxi rides
•  many restaurants will already include a 10% "service fee," which is actually a tip
• a $1-2 tip/day for housekeeping is standard
• a $1-2 tip/bag for bellboys is standard
• for the tours we went on, i noticed that none of the europeans tipped, while all tourists from the unites states did. my friend and i tipped our tour guides btwn $5-10 based on the nature of the work they did on the tour (i.e. our whitewater rafting guide really got down and dirty, so i tipped him a little more). the same applied to the driver- if he helped out in some way in addition to driving i tipped more (i.e. for our nature safari boat tour, the driver helped set up all of our equipment in the pouring rain).

although my time in costa rica was brief i fell in love hard, and quickly. i hope to return to visit another region in the future. pura vida!
** coming soon: a review of my experience with spirit airlines

happy monday

on my train ride into work every morning i have a little prayer time/quiet reflection for the day ahead. part of that prayer never really changes:

- help me do my work well, to honor the commitment i have made in choosing this job.

- help me use words only to strengthen, encourage, and comfort clients

- help me be patient, kind, and engaged with both clients and co-workers

when i come to this part of my prayer i make sure to slow down a bit and focus on the words, so that they don't lose meaning as i repeat them every day. and i realized this morning how much of a difference this makes for me as i reflected on the crap work week i had last week. it was the kind of week where i was counting down the minutes until i could leave (starting at noon); getting annoyed when someone called and i had to actually help them (aka do my job- not the best social worker response, oops); spending more time than appropriate reading blogs/books/articles online while browsing for things i want to buy on cyber monday; etc. 

i realized this morning that all of last week i hadn't done my usual "pep prayer" on my ride in. instead i half-dozed as i was really tired from all that was going on, so that by the time i reached work i already didn't want to be there. that attitude trickled on through the hours and shaped my day. for me, it really makes a difference to have even just a few minutes of "this is how i want my day to be. this is how i will help make that happen" in the morning to guide the flow of my thoughts, actions, words, emotions. 

did it today, having a great day!

chicago insider: pt. 1

i have called chicago home for just over four years now and think it is one of the most amazing cities in the world (just my humble opinion). i continue to discover some pretty awesome things that make life here enjoyable, and thought i'd share some of the lesser known ones to add to popular favorites (which include free museum days, summer dance, movies in the park, and downtown sound). this list is compiled particularly with my several new-to-chicago friends in mind :)

the cultural center- international screenings program

the cultural center offers an incredible variety of special events and exhibits. the one that i want to highlight is my personal favorite- the international screenings program, which is free and open to the general public. for six months out of the year the cultural centers shows one international film two days/week. these films are from around the world and difficult to see otherwise, and often include a Q&A or discussion after. 

claudia cassidy theater
78 e. washington st

check out the films from 2013

the pedway

the pedway system is a fairly recent discovery of mine (recent relative to the time i've been in chicago). it's made up of underground walkways and overhead bridges that connect 50+ buildings and CTA stations downtown. because my work building is connected to the pedway, it's a great way for me to squeeze in a walking break, avoid bad weather, and explore the random shops that call the pedway their home.

pedway map

chicago pedway tours

chicago public library- money smart financial literacy classes

again, a wealth of programs and services, but i want to highlight its 'money smart' financial literacy classes, which are free and held at libraries across the city. topics of interest include home buying, retirement planning, and understanding credit. there is a special concentration of programs available during 'money smart week' every april. although helpful for anyone, i would particularly recommend these classes for my 20-something peers who may just be starting their personal finance journey, and need to start smart.

calendar of money smart events

money smart week website

chicago park district- fitness centers

now, this might not be for you if you are very much into working out and need loads of "how the heck do i use this?" equipment and such. i definitely do not fit in this category. in fact, when i was exploring fitness center options my priorities were: 

1. low cost

2. minimal commitment (in terms of contracts)

3. proximity to my home/work

that tells you how much i really care about working out. still, i think the park district's fitness centers are a fantastic option if you just need a few cardio machines or weights to do some basic training, and don't care about additional frills (i.e. fancy locker rooms, juice bars, etc). the one i joined on the northside was extremely clean and had very little traffic, so that i never had to wait for a machine or anything. true, the hours are a bit limited, but the benefits include:

1. option to buy a monthly, 3 month, or annual pass.

2. low fees, which are about $15 for a monthly pass; $45/3 month; and $150/annual (at a single site, not multiple fitness center locations- these passes are more expenseive).

3. FEE WAIVER PROGRAM with MD's prescription. THAT'S RIGHT FOLKS! if you meet the guidelines listed here, you will receive a free 3 month pass.

CPD fitness centers

water taxi

a great alternative to the architectural boat tours if you want to enjoy the river but are okay missing out on the commentary. the michigan ave to chinatown route takes about 20min, and costs $6 one way on a weekday or $8 round trip (which actually gets you an all day pass). the prices are bit more expensive on the weekend and on holidays. i was tickled to meet a passenger once for whom the water taxi was their mode of commute- an unlimited 31 day pass is just $60!

chicago water taxi website

fares

i actually really enjoyed compiling this list, it made me realize how many great, low-cost/free programs are available to chicago residents. please share any additional recommendations in the comments!

accountability

- i WILL wake up at 6:45a
as opposed to waking up somewhere btwn 7:10-7:15a and scrambling to make it out the door by 7:40a. this usually means doing half my makeup on the train, taking breakfast to go, and leaving my apartment in shambles. just a few extra minutes to gather myself and my thoughts at the start of the day.

- i WILL make better food choices

i am currently at the heaviest i have ever been and feel like crap. my specific goals are to consume less rice and tacos (sigh); consume more veggies and fruit; limit eating out; and not eat too late in the evening.

- i WILL explore who i am and how i am

i strongly believe in the importance of self exploration and reflection with the purpose of really figuring out who you are. for me this process is usually guided by a couple questions as i journal, or engage in conversations with close friends. guiding questions might include, for example, how did my family of origin impact my values? how i view money? how i am in relationships? i think these exercises in self recognition are fundamental to growing your best self...but it's something i struggle to do regularly.

that's it for now. will report back in a week! 

him being cute

text: "just fed my bunny"

there is a little bunny that sometimes hops its way into his yard. whenever he sees it he goes inside for some bread and tosses it to the bunny, and watches as it eats.

hee hee : )

edit: "i think i'll call him mister bunny."

there have been some rough patches these past few weeks.
always the same- no matter how far i am, and how far i have come, the things i want to change the most are not "fixable" by me. they never will be, they are beyond just my own control. and they hurt the most, mean the most, because it's family. oh, family...

but god is always great about giving me perspective just when i need it.
to open my eyes to see that i am so freeeaking beloved. so privileged. so blessed.
that NO MATTER WHAT, i will never be beyond his grace, his love, his hope.

i found tears of gratitude and joy :)
how great is our god?
!!

oh and

fred is doing well, but no thanks to me. i've really been neglectful of him ever since i moved him out into the living room (because i got him a bigger space that won't fit in my room). out of sight, out of mind. sigh. tonight i will make sure to clean his hizzay, give him a treat, and shine a lamp on him for some extra heat.

it's so sad that you all ask me regularly how he is doing, and even though i automatically reply that he is okay.......i don't really know =\

my new apartment

-teeeeeeeeeny tiny studio
-1 mile from my current apartment, still in edgewater
-5min walk from lake michigan :)
-3min walk from the train and LSD bus routes
-right off broadway = super easy access to uptown, devon = tons of viet, indian, african, etc food
-gut rehabbed, with a lovely new kitchen (stainless steel/granite!)
-mine, all mine, to decorate and fuss over

the neighborhood is known for having lots of gang and drug activity. it is also known for its incredibly proactive, resilient community of refugees, working class families, and students. i will be safe, i will be smart, and i will do my part to keep the community beautiful!

leave me alone

i realized today that it is july. holy cow, i meant august. yes, august..........

july was sleepless. i talked to a lot of people, a lot of the time. i did a lot of listening. there were many, many fun activities. but there was close to zero purposeful alone time. and if you know me, you know that's something i not only crave, but NEED in order to function well. maybe that's why my head feels so cotton ball-y.

i want to sleep. i want to catch up on all of my korean shows and pbs docs. i want to read for pleasure without feeling guilty. i want to journal. i want to lay out by lake michigan (alone).

tonight is my first free evening of the entire week, and tomorrow my first free morning. i am going to sleep for at least eight hours......and then do whatever i want. YEAH MAN!

ps. i am a big liar re: previous entry. i realized that life was not going to happen in a good way if i kept my plans the way they were. the trip home has been canceled, my bffl's visit here was also sadly canceled, my dad is coming to chicago to help me pack and move, the LSW has been pushed back to september.

big things poppin'

aug 8: best buddy KK's departure from chicitay to nyc for bigger + brighter
aug 22-26: home to baltimore
aug 30: LSW exam (& princess khusbu's birthday!)
aug 31: lease is up, gotta be out & in to a new place

in btwn:
-3 visits from 3 college buds =)
-job hunting......................................
-bday celebs for some really fun ppls
-enjoying the last scraps of summer to their fullest

i was going thru my planner today and felt little jabs of anxiety + excitement. my days are chock full for the next 1.5 months with things that matter, a lot. priorities include studying for my exam and finding an apt to invest in and call my very own =) and, lots of sunshine, food, music, hellos & goodbyes.

gogogo!

what a productive day

today i:

-got thru every single one of my vmails & emails @work
-booked plane tix for my quarterly visit home to bmore (aug 22-27)
-applied for a credit card with airline rewards
-found a dentist in my neighborhood
-had meaningful conversations with both my parents
-organized random paperwork re: work benefits, student loans
-started organizing study materials for my LSW licensure exam
-legit dusted my room (aka even the stuff under my books and knick knacks)

 ...all on 2 hours of sleep and a $1.10 lg iced coffee from dunkin ($1 any size iced coffee btwn 3-6p!)
imma grown up wuttt.

all the single ladies

from the postlude of: http://whysfreallyisthatbad.com/
really insightful & spot on for me & my group of gfriends, though most of us are not in the bay area-

"When I outlined this essay, I planned to dedicate this section to caveats. Namely, I intended to pre-empt any reaction that I’m an unattractive, shitty personality’d brat who’s bitter because she never gets asked out, and who prefers to blame the rest of the world rather than recognize her own part in her destiny. [In fact, I am passably attractive and reasonably personality’d, and I get asked out far more than I think my own desirability justifies.

But then I had drinks with a good guy friend and realized that I need to acknowledge a much more cutting and depressing possibility for why the social scene here is what is it.

You see, the guy friend with whom I was splitting a bottle of wine is a stud. He’s great looking, hilarious, athletic, and successful by all conceivable standards. He’s starting a company and pursuing artistic interests on the side – and he’s actively looking for a girlfriend. And he gave me thirty-odd reasons why San Francisco sucks for men, too.

Our common complaint started with: “where are the good-looking, ambitious, accomplished and interesting people in this city?” But as we drank more wine, we got more honest: we’d both been on plenty of dates with very good-looking, ambitious, accomplished, interesting (not old) people. And, we both conceded, there wasn’t a single one whom, if we never saw them again, we’d remember to think about.

What kind of person says that?? That is, what kind of people are my guy friend and I to be so dismissive, and is it possible that San Francisco is not so bad because it has a lot of geeks and marrieds and gays and male cougars, but because it has so many of us.

And what are we? We’re the ones who excelled in our small town high schools, netting us a place at prestigious universities and, from there, elite jobs and enrollment in competitive graduate programs where we were further groomed to think we can and should do anything to which we set our minds. We’re the ones parents and teachers tapped as “high potential” when we were 12, at which point we were given permission to focus all our attention on ourselves. While the geeks were developing their computer programming skills, we were becoming experts on the art of self-perfecting. We collected accomplishments for broad-if-not-deep resumes and prepared ourselves for roles as future leaders of America.

Why do we come to San Francisco? It’s partly because we can’t go back home – our peers from New York and London are starting to migrate back that way, but the places we come from don’t afford the opportunities we’ve been bred to pursue. But it’s partly because, as it always has in America, the West Coast represents the next thing. And that, in the end, is what people like my studly guy friend and I are programmed to seek. It’s not goal-orientation, its progress-orientation. It’s the reason most of us have never stayed at a company more than two bonus cycles, the reason at my one year business school reunion the predictable answer to the question “how are things going?” was: “Fantastic! Totally kicking ass…..But I’m keeping my options open, you know. Have you heard of any interesting opportunities lately?”

How does this translate to personal relationships? A desperate fear of settling, an overly-attuned eye for flaws, and a thirty-year habit of uninhibited self-prioritization.
So it’s not that there aren’t a lot of check-all-the-boxes men and women in San Francisco, it’s that, when you take out the engineers, the marrieds, the gays, and the older men, that’s all that’s here. For all its transplants, San Francisco is a homogenous city, a pot of overachievers whose normal means of standing out fall flat. Try impressing someone at a bar here: Went to a prestigious university? Where else would you have gone? Starting a company? Aren’t we all? Have travelled to 21 countries? Only 21? Recently ran a marathon? Why not an ultra?

But here’s the big thing: all those achievements apply to women and men. If you didn’t hear the voice, it would be impossible to tell whether a bio (“I studied History at Harvard, then worked at BCG, then went back to Harvard for business school. During that time, I biked across the United States, hiked Kilamanjaro, started a nonprofit in Africa, and now I’m head of corporate strategy for a start-up travel website”) is that of a guy or a girl. Which complicates gender roles beyond logistics (whose career do we prioritize?) to fundamental worth (what do you bring to this that I don’t already have? What can you provide that I couldn’t provide for myself?).

In short, I fully acknowledge that there’s another piece of this argument, which is that San Francisco is so bad because the women here are so difficult. Were I a man here, I would be complaining that I “just can’t win” with women in SF: that they’re expectations are simultaneously incredibly high and very poorly articulated. I think the Hong Kong geek from my cocktail party had a point, if badly delivered: the women here have replaced traditional feminine charms (no one would argue that focus on personal appearance is significantly muted here relative to other cities) with gender equal pursuits. And yet we still expect to find a man whose power and ability-to-provide-something-we-can’t-provide-for-ourselves stirs our respect and desire. Men, meanwhile, understandably want to be with someone whose achievements and pursuits complement, not compete with, their own. Which makes you wonder whether gender equality is necessarily emasculating, and what that means for a generation bred in it.

And so maybe all this ranting isn’t so much about the city as about our generation, and what’s so bad about San Francisco is the sobering reality that it’s the frontier toward which we’ve been driving. It’s the city that’s creating tomorrow’s companies and setting the standard for social progress. It’s the mecca for people who want to change the world, from geeks to entrepreneurs to Self-Reliant Overeducated Thirty Somethings like me. And it leaves you wondering: where is all the progress taking us, when meaningful relationships seem so difficult to find and maintain. Is this really the world that we want? And is there anywhere else to go?"

summa summa summa time in chitown

...is really, really great.

farmers markets & festivals all over the city
longer days - lots of activity late into the night
outdoor music everywhere you go
super cute puppies & babies & oldies out and about
food - drinks - food - drinks - food - drinks
deliciously cool waters of lake michigan

all enjoyable, even in 95deg weather

this past wknd was spent all outdoors, at the zoo and 6flags. man it REALLY felt like summer.

it's already been a year since the msw.

jumble

a lot of new challenges these days,
just when i needed them most.
humbled, and grateful.

i am really starting to get into the groove of my life...
it's a good feeling...
i feel like i'm growing into myself...

am really starting to appreciate the stillness + peace + serenity + beauty of early mornings,
but also REALLY appreciate that i don't need to make a morning early unless i choose to :P
one of the benefits of starting work at noon...

next wknd i play with oldies in dirt...in the 'hood...
(translation: i will begin volunteering at a community garden sponsored by a senior apartment building in englewood)
can't wait!!!!!!!!

love, grace, joy abound :)