there have been some rough patches these past few weeks.
always the same- no matter how far i am, and how far i have come, the things i want to change the most are not "fixable" by me. they never will be, they are beyond just my own control. and they hurt the most, mean the most, because it's family. oh, family...
but god is always great about giving me perspective just when i need it.
to open my eyes to see that i am so freeeaking beloved. so privileged. so blessed.
that NO MATTER WHAT, i will never be beyond his grace, his love, his hope.
i found tears of gratitude and joy :)
how great is our god?
!!
Saturday, September 29, 2012
Thursday, August 2, 2012
oh and
fred is doing well, but no thanks to me. i've really been neglectful of him ever since i moved him out into the living room (because i got him a bigger space that won't fit in my room). out of sight, out of mind. sigh. tonight i will make sure to clean his hizzay, give him a treat, and shine a lamp on him for some extra heat.
it's so sad that you all ask me regularly how he is doing, and even though i automatically reply that he is okay.......i don't really know =\
it's so sad that you all ask me regularly how he is doing, and even though i automatically reply that he is okay.......i don't really know =\
my new apartment
-teeeeeeeeeny tiny studio
-1 mile from my current apartment, still in edgewater
-5min walk from lake michigan :)
-3min walk from the train and LSD bus routes
-right off broadway = super easy access to uptown, devon = tons of viet, indian, african, etc food
-gut rehabbed, with a lovely new kitchen (stainless steel/granite!)
-mine, all mine, to decorate and fuss over
the neighborhood is known for having lots of gang and drug activity. it is also known for its incredibly proactive, resilient community of refugees, working class families, and students. i will be safe, i will be smart, and i will do my part to keep the community beautiful!
-1 mile from my current apartment, still in edgewater
-5min walk from lake michigan :)
-3min walk from the train and LSD bus routes
-right off broadway = super easy access to uptown, devon = tons of viet, indian, african, etc food
-gut rehabbed, with a lovely new kitchen (stainless steel/granite!)
-mine, all mine, to decorate and fuss over
the neighborhood is known for having lots of gang and drug activity. it is also known for its incredibly proactive, resilient community of refugees, working class families, and students. i will be safe, i will be smart, and i will do my part to keep the community beautiful!
leave me alone
i realized today that it is july. holy cow, i meant august. yes, august..........
july was sleepless. i talked to a lot of people, a lot of the time. i did a lot of listening. there were many, many fun activities. but there was close to zero purposeful alone time. and if you know me, you know that's something i not only crave, but NEED in order to function well. maybe that's why my head feels so cotton ball-y.
i want to sleep. i want to catch up on all of my korean shows and pbs docs. i want to read for pleasure without feeling guilty. i want to journal. i want to lay out by lake michigan (alone).
tonight is my first free evening of the entire week, and tomorrow my first free morning. i am going to sleep for at least eight hours......and then do whatever i want. YEAH MAN!
ps. i am a big liar re: previous entry. i realized that life was not going to happen in a good way if i kept my plans the way they were. the trip home has been canceled, my bffl's visit here was also sadly canceled, my dad is coming to chicago to help me pack and move, the LSW has been pushed back to september.
july was sleepless. i talked to a lot of people, a lot of the time. i did a lot of listening. there were many, many fun activities. but there was close to zero purposeful alone time. and if you know me, you know that's something i not only crave, but NEED in order to function well. maybe that's why my head feels so cotton ball-y.
i want to sleep. i want to catch up on all of my korean shows and pbs docs. i want to read for pleasure without feeling guilty. i want to journal. i want to lay out by lake michigan (alone).
tonight is my first free evening of the entire week, and tomorrow my first free morning. i am going to sleep for at least eight hours......and then do whatever i want. YEAH MAN!
ps. i am a big liar re: previous entry. i realized that life was not going to happen in a good way if i kept my plans the way they were. the trip home has been canceled, my bffl's visit here was also sadly canceled, my dad is coming to chicago to help me pack and move, the LSW has been pushed back to september.
Friday, July 20, 2012
big things poppin'
aug 8: best buddy KK's departure from chicitay to nyc for bigger + brighter
aug 22-26: home to baltimore
aug 30: LSW exam (& princess khusbu's birthday!)
aug 31: lease is up, gotta be out & in to a new place
in btwn:
-3 visits from 3 college buds =)
-job hunting......................................
-bday celebs for some really fun ppls
-enjoying the last scraps of summer to their fullest
i was going thru my planner today and felt little jabs of anxiety + excitement. my days are chock full for the next 1.5 months with things that matter, a lot. priorities include studying for my exam and finding an apt to invest in and call my very own =) and, lots of sunshine, food, music, hellos & goodbyes.
gogogo!
aug 22-26: home to baltimore
aug 30: LSW exam (& princess khusbu's birthday!)
aug 31: lease is up, gotta be out & in to a new place
in btwn:
-3 visits from 3 college buds =)
-job hunting......................................
-bday celebs for some really fun ppls
-enjoying the last scraps of summer to their fullest
i was going thru my planner today and felt little jabs of anxiety + excitement. my days are chock full for the next 1.5 months with things that matter, a lot. priorities include studying for my exam and finding an apt to invest in and call my very own =) and, lots of sunshine, food, music, hellos & goodbyes.
gogogo!
Tuesday, July 17, 2012
what a productive day
today i:
-got thru every single one of my vmails & emails @work
-booked plane tix for my quarterly visit home to bmore (aug 22-27)
-applied for a credit card with airline rewards
-found a dentist in my neighborhood
-had meaningful conversations with both my parents
-organized random paperwork re: work benefits, student loans
-started organizing study materials for my LSW licensure exam
-legit dusted my room (aka even the stuff under my books and knick knacks)
...all on 2 hours of sleep and a $1.10 lg iced coffee from dunkin ($1 any size iced coffee btwn 3-6p!)
imma grown up wuttt.
-got thru every single one of my vmails & emails @work
-booked plane tix for my quarterly visit home to bmore (aug 22-27)
-applied for a credit card with airline rewards
-found a dentist in my neighborhood
-had meaningful conversations with both my parents
-organized random paperwork re: work benefits, student loans
-started organizing study materials for my LSW licensure exam
-legit dusted my room (aka even the stuff under my books and knick knacks)
...all on 2 hours of sleep and a $1.10 lg iced coffee from dunkin ($1 any size iced coffee btwn 3-6p!)
imma grown up wuttt.
Thursday, July 5, 2012
all the single ladies
from the postlude of: http://whysfreallyisthatbad.com/
really insightful & spot on for me & my group of gfriends, though most of us are not in the bay area-
"When I outlined this essay, I planned to dedicate this section to caveats. Namely, I intended to pre-empt any reaction that I’m an unattractive, shitty personality’d brat who’s bitter because she never gets asked out, and who prefers to blame the rest of the world rather than recognize her own part in her destiny. [In fact, I am passably attractive and reasonably personality’d, and I get asked out far more than I think my own desirability justifies.
But then I had drinks with a good guy friend and realized that I need to acknowledge a much more cutting and depressing possibility for why the social scene here is what is it.
You see, the guy friend with whom I was splitting a bottle of wine is a stud. He’s great looking, hilarious, athletic, and successful by all conceivable standards. He’s starting a company and pursuing artistic interests on the side – and he’s actively looking for a girlfriend. And he gave me thirty-odd reasons why San Francisco sucks for men, too.
Our common complaint started with: “where are the good-looking, ambitious, accomplished and interesting people in this city?” But as we drank more wine, we got more honest: we’d both been on plenty of dates with very good-looking, ambitious, accomplished, interesting (not old) people. And, we both conceded, there wasn’t a single one whom, if we never saw them again, we’d remember to think about.
What kind of person says that?? That is, what kind of people are my guy friend and I to be so dismissive, and is it possible that San Francisco is not so bad because it has a lot of geeks and marrieds and gays and male cougars, but because it has so many of us.
And what are we? We’re the ones who excelled in our small town high schools, netting us a place at prestigious universities and, from there, elite jobs and enrollment in competitive graduate programs where we were further groomed to think we can and should do anything to which we set our minds. We’re the ones parents and teachers tapped as “high potential” when we were 12, at which point we were given permission to focus all our attention on ourselves. While the geeks were developing their computer programming skills, we were becoming experts on the art of self-perfecting. We collected accomplishments for broad-if-not-deep resumes and prepared ourselves for roles as future leaders of America.
Why do we come to San Francisco? It’s partly because we can’t go back home – our peers from New York and London are starting to migrate back that way, but the places we come from don’t afford the opportunities we’ve been bred to pursue. But it’s partly because, as it always has in America, the West Coast represents the next thing. And that, in the end, is what people like my studly guy friend and I are programmed to seek. It’s not goal-orientation, its progress-orientation. It’s the reason most of us have never stayed at a company more than two bonus cycles, the reason at my one year business school reunion the predictable answer to the question “how are things going?” was: “Fantastic! Totally kicking ass…..But I’m keeping my options open, you know. Have you heard of any interesting opportunities lately?”
How does this translate to personal relationships? A desperate fear of settling, an overly-attuned eye for flaws, and a thirty-year habit of uninhibited self-prioritization.
So it’s not that there aren’t a lot of check-all-the-boxes men and women in San Francisco, it’s that, when you take out the engineers, the marrieds, the gays, and the older men, that’s all that’s here. For all its transplants, San Francisco is a homogenous city, a pot of overachievers whose normal means of standing out fall flat. Try impressing someone at a bar here: Went to a prestigious university? Where else would you have gone? Starting a company? Aren’t we all? Have travelled to 21 countries? Only 21? Recently ran a marathon? Why not an ultra?
But here’s the big thing: all those achievements apply to women and men. If you didn’t hear the voice, it would be impossible to tell whether a bio (“I studied History at Harvard, then worked at BCG, then went back to Harvard for business school. During that time, I biked across the United States, hiked Kilamanjaro, started a nonprofit in Africa, and now I’m head of corporate strategy for a start-up travel website”) is that of a guy or a girl. Which complicates gender roles beyond logistics (whose career do we prioritize?) to fundamental worth (what do you bring to this that I don’t already have? What can you provide that I couldn’t provide for myself?).
In short, I fully acknowledge that there’s another piece of this argument, which is that San Francisco is so bad because the women here are so difficult. Were I a man here, I would be complaining that I “just can’t win” with women in SF: that they’re expectations are simultaneously incredibly high and very poorly articulated. I think the Hong Kong geek from my cocktail party had a point, if badly delivered: the women here have replaced traditional feminine charms (no one would argue that focus on personal appearance is significantly muted here relative to other cities) with gender equal pursuits. And yet we still expect to find a man whose power and ability-to-provide-something-we-can’t-provide-for-ourselves stirs our respect and desire. Men, meanwhile, understandably want to be with someone whose achievements and pursuits complement, not compete with, their own. Which makes you wonder whether gender equality is necessarily emasculating, and what that means for a generation bred in it.
And so maybe all this ranting isn’t so much about the city as about our generation, and what’s so bad about San Francisco is the sobering reality that it’s the frontier toward which we’ve been driving. It’s the city that’s creating tomorrow’s companies and setting the standard for social progress. It’s the mecca for people who want to change the world, from geeks to entrepreneurs to Self-Reliant Overeducated Thirty Somethings like me. And it leaves you wondering: where is all the progress taking us, when meaningful relationships seem so difficult to find and maintain. Is this really the world that we want? And is there anywhere else to go?"
really insightful & spot on for me & my group of gfriends, though most of us are not in the bay area-
"When I outlined this essay, I planned to dedicate this section to caveats. Namely, I intended to pre-empt any reaction that I’m an unattractive, shitty personality’d brat who’s bitter because she never gets asked out, and who prefers to blame the rest of the world rather than recognize her own part in her destiny. [In fact, I am passably attractive and reasonably personality’d, and I get asked out far more than I think my own desirability justifies.
But then I had drinks with a good guy friend and realized that I need to acknowledge a much more cutting and depressing possibility for why the social scene here is what is it.
You see, the guy friend with whom I was splitting a bottle of wine is a stud. He’s great looking, hilarious, athletic, and successful by all conceivable standards. He’s starting a company and pursuing artistic interests on the side – and he’s actively looking for a girlfriend. And he gave me thirty-odd reasons why San Francisco sucks for men, too.
Our common complaint started with: “where are the good-looking, ambitious, accomplished and interesting people in this city?” But as we drank more wine, we got more honest: we’d both been on plenty of dates with very good-looking, ambitious, accomplished, interesting (not old) people. And, we both conceded, there wasn’t a single one whom, if we never saw them again, we’d remember to think about.
What kind of person says that?? That is, what kind of people are my guy friend and I to be so dismissive, and is it possible that San Francisco is not so bad because it has a lot of geeks and marrieds and gays and male cougars, but because it has so many of us.
And what are we? We’re the ones who excelled in our small town high schools, netting us a place at prestigious universities and, from there, elite jobs and enrollment in competitive graduate programs where we were further groomed to think we can and should do anything to which we set our minds. We’re the ones parents and teachers tapped as “high potential” when we were 12, at which point we were given permission to focus all our attention on ourselves. While the geeks were developing their computer programming skills, we were becoming experts on the art of self-perfecting. We collected accomplishments for broad-if-not-deep resumes and prepared ourselves for roles as future leaders of America.
Why do we come to San Francisco? It’s partly because we can’t go back home – our peers from New York and London are starting to migrate back that way, but the places we come from don’t afford the opportunities we’ve been bred to pursue. But it’s partly because, as it always has in America, the West Coast represents the next thing. And that, in the end, is what people like my studly guy friend and I are programmed to seek. It’s not goal-orientation, its progress-orientation. It’s the reason most of us have never stayed at a company more than two bonus cycles, the reason at my one year business school reunion the predictable answer to the question “how are things going?” was: “Fantastic! Totally kicking ass…..But I’m keeping my options open, you know. Have you heard of any interesting opportunities lately?”
How does this translate to personal relationships? A desperate fear of settling, an overly-attuned eye for flaws, and a thirty-year habit of uninhibited self-prioritization.
So it’s not that there aren’t a lot of check-all-the-boxes men and women in San Francisco, it’s that, when you take out the engineers, the marrieds, the gays, and the older men, that’s all that’s here. For all its transplants, San Francisco is a homogenous city, a pot of overachievers whose normal means of standing out fall flat. Try impressing someone at a bar here: Went to a prestigious university? Where else would you have gone? Starting a company? Aren’t we all? Have travelled to 21 countries? Only 21? Recently ran a marathon? Why not an ultra?
But here’s the big thing: all those achievements apply to women and men. If you didn’t hear the voice, it would be impossible to tell whether a bio (“I studied History at Harvard, then worked at BCG, then went back to Harvard for business school. During that time, I biked across the United States, hiked Kilamanjaro, started a nonprofit in Africa, and now I’m head of corporate strategy for a start-up travel website”) is that of a guy or a girl. Which complicates gender roles beyond logistics (whose career do we prioritize?) to fundamental worth (what do you bring to this that I don’t already have? What can you provide that I couldn’t provide for myself?).
In short, I fully acknowledge that there’s another piece of this argument, which is that San Francisco is so bad because the women here are so difficult. Were I a man here, I would be complaining that I “just can’t win” with women in SF: that they’re expectations are simultaneously incredibly high and very poorly articulated. I think the Hong Kong geek from my cocktail party had a point, if badly delivered: the women here have replaced traditional feminine charms (no one would argue that focus on personal appearance is significantly muted here relative to other cities) with gender equal pursuits. And yet we still expect to find a man whose power and ability-to-provide-something-we-can’t-provide-for-ourselves stirs our respect and desire. Men, meanwhile, understandably want to be with someone whose achievements and pursuits complement, not compete with, their own. Which makes you wonder whether gender equality is necessarily emasculating, and what that means for a generation bred in it.
And so maybe all this ranting isn’t so much about the city as about our generation, and what’s so bad about San Francisco is the sobering reality that it’s the frontier toward which we’ve been driving. It’s the city that’s creating tomorrow’s companies and setting the standard for social progress. It’s the mecca for people who want to change the world, from geeks to entrepreneurs to Self-Reliant Overeducated Thirty Somethings like me. And it leaves you wondering: where is all the progress taking us, when meaningful relationships seem so difficult to find and maintain. Is this really the world that we want? And is there anywhere else to go?"
Tuesday, July 3, 2012
summa summa summa time in chitown
...is really, really great.
farmers markets & festivals all over the city
longer days - lots of activity late into the night
outdoor music everywhere you go
super cute puppies & babies & oldies out and about
food - drinks - food - drinks - food - drinks
deliciously cool waters of lake michigan
all enjoyable, even in 95deg weather
this past wknd was spent all outdoors, at the zoo and 6flags. man it REALLY felt like summer.
it's already been a year since the msw.
farmers markets & festivals all over the city
longer days - lots of activity late into the night
outdoor music everywhere you go
super cute puppies & babies & oldies out and about
food - drinks - food - drinks - food - drinks
deliciously cool waters of lake michigan
all enjoyable, even in 95deg weather
this past wknd was spent all outdoors, at the zoo and 6flags. man it REALLY felt like summer.
it's already been a year since the msw.
Wednesday, May 9, 2012
jumble
a lot of new challenges these days,
just when i needed them most.
humbled, and grateful.
i am really starting to get into the groove of my life...
it's a good feeling...
i feel like i'm growing into myself...
am really starting to appreciate the stillness + peace + serenity + beauty of early mornings,
but also REALLY appreciate that i don't need to make a morning early unless i choose to :P
one of the benefits of starting work at noon...
next wknd i play with oldies in dirt...in the 'hood...
(translation: i will begin volunteering at a community garden sponsored by a senior apartment building in englewood)
can't wait!!!!!!!!
love, grace, joy abound :)
just when i needed them most.
humbled, and grateful.
i am really starting to get into the groove of my life...
it's a good feeling...
i feel like i'm growing into myself...
am really starting to appreciate the stillness + peace + serenity + beauty of early mornings,
but also REALLY appreciate that i don't need to make a morning early unless i choose to :P
one of the benefits of starting work at noon...
next wknd i play with oldies in dirt...in the 'hood...
(translation: i will begin volunteering at a community garden sponsored by a senior apartment building in englewood)
can't wait!!!!!!!!
love, grace, joy abound :)
Tuesday, April 3, 2012
INDEPENDENT WO-MAN
kinda having a crappy day, i'd like a hug. but that's not available right now so instead i bought a coffee cake muffin. i recently read something about fatty food making you more depressed, but that's BS bc my mood has improved markedly since i inhaled half the muffin in ten minutes.
no hug needed, THANKS.
I AM SELF-SUFFICIENT aheqewudasndjashnj!!
=_=
ps. i wish fish could hug :(
pps. that....would be super creepy.
no hug needed, THANKS.
I AM SELF-SUFFICIENT aheqewudasndjashnj!!
=_=
ps. i wish fish could hug :(
pps. that....would be super creepy.
Wednesday, March 28, 2012
meemeep
my friend SL and i firmly believe in the poetic beauty of haikus. at one point we considered a haiku-a-day challenge, but...
i posted this on his fb recently:
meemeep
to which he responded:
the girl went meemeep
but then appeared a coyote
now we all weeweep
heeheehee. BRILLIANT!
ps. for those who are not nature show enthusiasts, "coyote" is often pronounced as a two syllable word. he did not cheat, you're just dumb. you can watch a great pbs documentary about wolves to hear this pronunciation: http://video.pbs.org/video/1206056119
i posted this on his fb recently:
meemeep
to which he responded:
the girl went meemeep
but then appeared a coyote
now we all weeweep
heeheehee. BRILLIANT!
ps. for those who are not nature show enthusiasts, "coyote" is often pronounced as a two syllable word. he did not cheat, you're just dumb. you can watch a great pbs documentary about wolves to hear this pronunciation: http://video.pbs.org/video/1206056119
Wednesday, March 14, 2012
Friday, February 24, 2012
fuck america
From the ECONOMIST
Capital punishment in America
Justice, delayed and denied
A harrowing report from South Carolina
Feb 18th 2012 | from the print edition
Anatomy of Injustice: A Murder Case Gone Wrong. By Raymond Bonner. Knopf; 298 pages; $26.95. To be published in Britain in March; £17.99.
WHAT sort of town was Greenwood, South Carolina in the early 1980s? It was the kind of place where a prominent white man could get away with shooting and killing a black man who walked across his property at night. When the local chief prosecutor, William T. Jones, brought the case before a grand jury, he was not looking for an indictment. Surely anyone would have behaved the same way under the circumstances, he argued. Surely, he told the jurors, they too would have picked up a shotgun. The grand jury did not indict.
A few months later Jones persuaded the same grand jury to indict Edward Lee Elmore, a 23-year-old black man, for the murder of Dorothy Edwards, a 75-year-old white woman. She was found inside her bedroom closet, bruised and repeatedly stabbed. Mr Elmore was sentenced to death less than 90 days later. This grim case is the subject of “Anatomy of Injustice”, a gripping and enraging book from Raymond Bonner, a veteran investigative journalist at the New York Times. Mr Elmore would spend 27 years on death row, despite strong circumstantial evidence suggesting that he did not commit the crime. His capital sentence was ultimately overturned thanks to the tireless efforts of Diana Holt, his lawyer and the book’s hero, who spent more than a decade seeking justice on his behalf.
In this section
Mentally disabled and barely literate, Mr Elmore was 14 years old when he dropped out of school. He could add and subtract using his fingers, but he could not tell the time, he did not know the seasons and he could not understand directions. He became a neighbourhood handyman, and he cleaned Edwards’s gutters and washed her windows two weeks before she was killed. He was arrested because his fingerprint was found at her house.
At his trial, Mr Elmore was given two lawyers. One was known as the “bourbon cowboy”. He was twice arrested for drunk driving, and his breath smelled of alcohol in court. The other lawyer referred to his client as a “redheaded nigger”. They had Mr Elmore testify, a rarity in murder trials, and they called no other witnesses. The judge dismissed four potential jurors because of their opposition to capital punishment. (This judge later served on South Carolina’s Supreme Court, and landed in some hot water by professing to find racist jokes inoffensive and funny.) It took the jury less than three hours to convict Mr Elmore, and an additional 50 minutes to sentence him to death.
But Mr Elmore did not die in jail. After the Supreme Court ruled in 2005 that states could not execute the mentally disabled, his sentence was commuted to life in prison, where he still sits. Opponents of capital punishment may be familiar with arguments about its expense, unjust application and inefficacy as a deterrent. But it is another thing entirely to read about patently biased judges, policemen who lie under oath (and may well have planted evidence) and bloodthirsty prosecutors.
In telling Mr Elmore’s story, Mr Bonner deftly weaves in a brief history of American capital punishment and its discontents. Following a brief moratorium in 1972, when the Supreme Court ruled that the death penalty’s application violated the Eighth Amendment’s ban on cruel and unusual punishment, it was reinstated in 38 states from 1976. By 2010, 1,226 more executions had taken place, 1,010 of them in the South. Most of these executed inmates have been black; a vast majority of the victims in capital cases were white. But Mr Bonner’s book is not a treatise against the death penalty. Rather, it is a dismal look at what happens in America’s justice system when justice is absent.
Capital punishment in America
Justice, delayed and denied
A harrowing report from South Carolina
Feb 18th 2012 | from the print edition
Anatomy of Injustice: A Murder Case Gone Wrong. By Raymond Bonner. Knopf; 298 pages; $26.95. To be published in Britain in March; £17.99.
WHAT sort of town was Greenwood, South Carolina in the early 1980s? It was the kind of place where a prominent white man could get away with shooting and killing a black man who walked across his property at night. When the local chief prosecutor, William T. Jones, brought the case before a grand jury, he was not looking for an indictment. Surely anyone would have behaved the same way under the circumstances, he argued. Surely, he told the jurors, they too would have picked up a shotgun. The grand jury did not indict.
A few months later Jones persuaded the same grand jury to indict Edward Lee Elmore, a 23-year-old black man, for the murder of Dorothy Edwards, a 75-year-old white woman. She was found inside her bedroom closet, bruised and repeatedly stabbed. Mr Elmore was sentenced to death less than 90 days later. This grim case is the subject of “Anatomy of Injustice”, a gripping and enraging book from Raymond Bonner, a veteran investigative journalist at the New York Times. Mr Elmore would spend 27 years on death row, despite strong circumstantial evidence suggesting that he did not commit the crime. His capital sentence was ultimately overturned thanks to the tireless efforts of Diana Holt, his lawyer and the book’s hero, who spent more than a decade seeking justice on his behalf.
In this section
Mentally disabled and barely literate, Mr Elmore was 14 years old when he dropped out of school. He could add and subtract using his fingers, but he could not tell the time, he did not know the seasons and he could not understand directions. He became a neighbourhood handyman, and he cleaned Edwards’s gutters and washed her windows two weeks before she was killed. He was arrested because his fingerprint was found at her house.
At his trial, Mr Elmore was given two lawyers. One was known as the “bourbon cowboy”. He was twice arrested for drunk driving, and his breath smelled of alcohol in court. The other lawyer referred to his client as a “redheaded nigger”. They had Mr Elmore testify, a rarity in murder trials, and they called no other witnesses. The judge dismissed four potential jurors because of their opposition to capital punishment. (This judge later served on South Carolina’s Supreme Court, and landed in some hot water by professing to find racist jokes inoffensive and funny.) It took the jury less than three hours to convict Mr Elmore, and an additional 50 minutes to sentence him to death.
But Mr Elmore did not die in jail. After the Supreme Court ruled in 2005 that states could not execute the mentally disabled, his sentence was commuted to life in prison, where he still sits. Opponents of capital punishment may be familiar with arguments about its expense, unjust application and inefficacy as a deterrent. But it is another thing entirely to read about patently biased judges, policemen who lie under oath (and may well have planted evidence) and bloodthirsty prosecutors.
In telling Mr Elmore’s story, Mr Bonner deftly weaves in a brief history of American capital punishment and its discontents. Following a brief moratorium in 1972, when the Supreme Court ruled that the death penalty’s application violated the Eighth Amendment’s ban on cruel and unusual punishment, it was reinstated in 38 states from 1976. By 2010, 1,226 more executions had taken place, 1,010 of them in the South. Most of these executed inmates have been black; a vast majority of the victims in capital cases were white. But Mr Bonner’s book is not a treatise against the death penalty. Rather, it is a dismal look at what happens in America’s justice system when justice is absent.
Tuesday, February 21, 2012
Saturday, February 18, 2012
the perfect saturday =)
which consisted of:
- yummy brunch at inspiration cafe, a great little socially conscious spot, while catching up with friends, including a special visitor (jessie!)
- a trip to the library
- a lazy walk in beautiful weather, with the bluest sky and lots of sunshine
- a visit to the neighborhood nursery to finally purchase these pretty little ones:
- cooking 된장찌개, which came out perfectly!
- cleaning my room
- watching three super interesting documentaries on pbs
- taking a nap
- catching up with my mom
- the newest edition of 'the economist'
i'm a simple creature :)
- yummy brunch at inspiration cafe, a great little socially conscious spot, while catching up with friends, including a special visitor (jessie!)
- a trip to the library
- a lazy walk in beautiful weather, with the bluest sky and lots of sunshine
- a visit to the neighborhood nursery to finally purchase these pretty little ones:
- cooking 된장찌개, which came out perfectly!
- cleaning my room
- watching three super interesting documentaries on pbs
- taking a nap
- catching up with my mom
- the newest edition of 'the economist'
i'm a simple creature :)
Tuesday, February 14, 2012
open letter to young warriors in chicago
Dear Young Warriors fighting the wrong wars! Killing each other is definitely played out. Being hurt from the lost of a love one was never cool.
Dear Young Warriors fighting the wrong war! I know that feeling, that frustration with life and needing to take it out on someone, any one. But....
We chose the dumbest things to go the hardest for. I remember seeing deaths over 8 ball jackets, Fila sneakers, and name plate chains. Deaths over "he say, she say"!!!!! "I'm from this block or I'm from that block", or "my moms n pops is f*cked up now the whole world gotta pay"!!!
I remember feeling like I was the hardest "n*gga" breathing. And I couldn't wait to prove it. But let's think. What are we really proving?? And proving what to who?? Everybody knows Chicago breeds the strongest of the strong but I just feel, me, being ya brother from another state feels your pain as if I grew up with you in ya very own household.
You have the ability and mindpower to change they way we are looked at. Look who's watching us young warriors, look who's throwing us in jail constantly, look at the ignorance in the world. Look at the racist dogs who love to see us down. Loving to bury us in the ground or in jail where we continue this worthless war on one another.
Young warriors.... We are WASTING more and more time. We gotta get on our jobs and take over the world. Cuz this movie left the theaters years ago, Juice, Menace, Boys n the Hood , Blood n Blood Out, Belly!
When we see each other why do we see hatred? Why were we born in a storm, born soldiers, WARRIORS....and instead of building each other up we are at war with each other.. May the soul of this young person find peace with the almighty. I'm with you young warriors. You're me and I'm you. But trust me! you are fighting the wrong war.
-Nas
Dear Young Warriors fighting the wrong war! I know that feeling, that frustration with life and needing to take it out on someone, any one. But....
We chose the dumbest things to go the hardest for. I remember seeing deaths over 8 ball jackets, Fila sneakers, and name plate chains. Deaths over "he say, she say"!!!!! "I'm from this block or I'm from that block", or "my moms n pops is f*cked up now the whole world gotta pay"!!!
I remember feeling like I was the hardest "n*gga" breathing. And I couldn't wait to prove it. But let's think. What are we really proving?? And proving what to who?? Everybody knows Chicago breeds the strongest of the strong but I just feel, me, being ya brother from another state feels your pain as if I grew up with you in ya very own household.
You have the ability and mindpower to change they way we are looked at. Look who's watching us young warriors, look who's throwing us in jail constantly, look at the ignorance in the world. Look at the racist dogs who love to see us down. Loving to bury us in the ground or in jail where we continue this worthless war on one another.
Young warriors.... We are WASTING more and more time. We gotta get on our jobs and take over the world. Cuz this movie left the theaters years ago, Juice, Menace, Boys n the Hood , Blood n Blood Out, Belly!
When we see each other why do we see hatred? Why were we born in a storm, born soldiers, WARRIORS....and instead of building each other up we are at war with each other.. May the soul of this young person find peace with the almighty. I'm with you young warriors. You're me and I'm you. But trust me! you are fighting the wrong war.
-Nas
happy valentine's day!
most of my friends think valentine's day is pretty silly, a manufactured day in which men are sort of forced into buying gifts and chocolate and flowers for their fair lady. but i surprisingly (or maybe not so surprisingly, considering i'm pretty childish and cutesy) really, really enjoy this hallmark holiday. at its purest it's a day to celebrate love. and yes, those years when i HAVE had a valentine, i secretly daydreamed about what cute little surprises might be in store for me (i am extremely excitable and easy to please, by the way). this year i found myself looking into the future and imagining what valentine's day might be like when i'm with my husband. i think it will be really nice :) heeheehee.
happy valentine's day, everyone! hoping it's full of lots and lots of LOVE.
happy valentine's day, everyone! hoping it's full of lots and lots of LOVE.
Sunday, February 12, 2012
lake michigan
today i took a walk along lake michigan for the first time in a long time. i craved solitude to sort through some of the internal dialogue that's been crowding my mind this week. i have a tendency to almost obsessively dwell on things, and issues of love, family, work, faith have been pressing on my heart without rest.......
lake michigan in the winter is beautiful. there are spots along the walkway that have iced over as the waves splash upward and spray the concrete. the waves themselves are dark and fierce, and the sound of them crashing into each other drowned out my thoughts. as i walked and walked and walked while looking out at the endless blue, my mind was blissfully empty. i didn't think about anything, actually, the entire time, despite my intentions of plowing through some major bones. but by the time i reached home my heart felt overwhelmingly at peace. and i realized, once again, the importance of allowing yourself at times to be still, and silent, and engaged solely in the beauty of your surroundings. i'm blessed that for me these surroundings can so easily be a place as beautiful as lake michigan.
lake michigan in the winter is beautiful. there are spots along the walkway that have iced over as the waves splash upward and spray the concrete. the waves themselves are dark and fierce, and the sound of them crashing into each other drowned out my thoughts. as i walked and walked and walked while looking out at the endless blue, my mind was blissfully empty. i didn't think about anything, actually, the entire time, despite my intentions of plowing through some major bones. but by the time i reached home my heart felt overwhelmingly at peace. and i realized, once again, the importance of allowing yourself at times to be still, and silent, and engaged solely in the beauty of your surroundings. i'm blessed that for me these surroundings can so easily be a place as beautiful as lake michigan.
Sunday, January 29, 2012
hello again :)
i temporarily blocked access to this blog because i thought it was pretty dumb. lol. i realized that because i journal so much, often times when i would sit down to blog i would be at a loss about what to share. i wouldn't really feel like going back over what i had already processed in my journal, so i never blogged in depth about what was most present in my heart and mind. but i was reminded recently of the value of blogging as a means to stay in touch with friends, and so, i will press on!
nothing to say...
sigh. lol.
nothing to say...
sigh. lol.
Sunday, January 1, 2012
year of the RABBIT
2011 was the year of the rabbit (1987), and i gotta admit that as i embarked on MY year a part of me really did have some high expectations :) now i realize much of how the year unfolded can be attributed to life season and all of that, but still...must give some props to the lucky rabbit.
• survived snowmageddon, and then the heat wave. oh chicago...
• had a wonderful 24th birthday celebration eating + dancing with 8 beautiful california girls :)
• graduated with my masters in social work from the university of chicago. two years flew by in a blur of personal and professional challenges, exploration, and growth.
• began my first real grown up job and then- another. oy. five months of working 1.5 jobs that taught me a lot about my limitations but also the FUN of being a "post-graduate young professional." it is indeed a very fun, exhausting time...
• had a really fabulous summer (my first in the states in two years!), despite everyone's crazy schedules. lots of potlucks, sleepovers due to the heat wave, picnics, random events in the park, exploring new neighborhoods, and good, solid conversations with friends. i love how chicago comes alive in the summer.
• bid farewell to some of those amazing friends and embarked on that transitional season of the "post-graduate young professional."
• swam in lake michigan for the first time
• went to my first cubs game
• fell head over heels in love with a close friend, and invested myself in what i would describe as my first committed relationship. experienced both the tangible joy and deep hurt that comes with allowing yourself to be absolutely and completely vulnerable with another human being. many hard lessons learned and much insight gained into myself and the lifetime partner i am praying for. a sad parting but with no regrets.
• dated some really great guys. learned that i'm not very good at dating, and that i don't particularly enjoy it. sigh.
• moved into a wonderful new neighborhood and home in andersonville/edgewater with a dear friend. realized that i'm staying in chicago. boy am i completely infatuated with this city. slowly beginning the task of investing in community, now that i know this might not just be a transitional thang.
• traveled for a life-affirming month throughout vietnam, china, and korea. lost myself in the mountains, waters, skies of asia; marveled at man-made wonders; was enveloped by the love of family; experienced old friendships in new surroundings; and reflected a lot on me. an incredible journey.
• bought a big ole 8 ft christmas tree, my first since i was maybe 4 or 5. i love frank.
• had pets for the first time since i was maybe 5 or 6. i love fish.
• visited wisconsin for the first time with the girls.
• visited my best friend in DC, our first visit in nearly 1.5 years. good to know that some things never change :)
• visited home twice, and wished i had deeper roots in baltimore- but i don't, and don't expect that i ever will. it's sad to think that from this point on i'll only be seeing my family a few times a year (which is actually how it's been for about six years now), but i am thankful for how close i have become to my parents despite (because of?) the distance.
• got a REAL haircut for the first time in many years and donated for the first time to locks of love.
• church hopped. praying.
• watched a lot of korean television. hahaha.
• made a lot of new friends, and grew closer to old ones.
in 2011 i reflected, learned, grew, a LOT. this year was definitely one of consistent internal dialogue + reflection as well as provocative conversations with friends and others; purposefully challenging myself relationally, professionally, spiritually; and so many NEW experiences. i was overwhelmed by blessings and lessons learned, and can say that i will always look back on 2011 as a pivotal year for me. looking fwd to what 2012 has in store...
• survived snowmageddon, and then the heat wave. oh chicago...
• had a wonderful 24th birthday celebration eating + dancing with 8 beautiful california girls :)
• graduated with my masters in social work from the university of chicago. two years flew by in a blur of personal and professional challenges, exploration, and growth.
• began my first real grown up job and then- another. oy. five months of working 1.5 jobs that taught me a lot about my limitations but also the FUN of being a "post-graduate young professional." it is indeed a very fun, exhausting time...
• had a really fabulous summer (my first in the states in two years!), despite everyone's crazy schedules. lots of potlucks, sleepovers due to the heat wave, picnics, random events in the park, exploring new neighborhoods, and good, solid conversations with friends. i love how chicago comes alive in the summer.
• bid farewell to some of those amazing friends and embarked on that transitional season of the "post-graduate young professional."
• swam in lake michigan for the first time
• went to my first cubs game
• fell head over heels in love with a close friend, and invested myself in what i would describe as my first committed relationship. experienced both the tangible joy and deep hurt that comes with allowing yourself to be absolutely and completely vulnerable with another human being. many hard lessons learned and much insight gained into myself and the lifetime partner i am praying for. a sad parting but with no regrets.
• dated some really great guys. learned that i'm not very good at dating, and that i don't particularly enjoy it. sigh.
• moved into a wonderful new neighborhood and home in andersonville/edgewater with a dear friend. realized that i'm staying in chicago. boy am i completely infatuated with this city. slowly beginning the task of investing in community, now that i know this might not just be a transitional thang.
• traveled for a life-affirming month throughout vietnam, china, and korea. lost myself in the mountains, waters, skies of asia; marveled at man-made wonders; was enveloped by the love of family; experienced old friendships in new surroundings; and reflected a lot on me. an incredible journey.
• bought a big ole 8 ft christmas tree, my first since i was maybe 4 or 5. i love frank.
• had pets for the first time since i was maybe 5 or 6. i love fish.
• visited wisconsin for the first time with the girls.
• visited my best friend in DC, our first visit in nearly 1.5 years. good to know that some things never change :)
• visited home twice, and wished i had deeper roots in baltimore- but i don't, and don't expect that i ever will. it's sad to think that from this point on i'll only be seeing my family a few times a year (which is actually how it's been for about six years now), but i am thankful for how close i have become to my parents despite (because of?) the distance.
• got a REAL haircut for the first time in many years and donated for the first time to locks of love.
• church hopped. praying.
• watched a lot of korean television. hahaha.
• made a lot of new friends, and grew closer to old ones.
in 2011 i reflected, learned, grew, a LOT. this year was definitely one of consistent internal dialogue + reflection as well as provocative conversations with friends and others; purposefully challenging myself relationally, professionally, spiritually; and so many NEW experiences. i was overwhelmed by blessings and lessons learned, and can say that i will always look back on 2011 as a pivotal year for me. looking fwd to what 2012 has in store...
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